Shitting on Hardwood Floors

So my house has hardwood floors. They arent the nicest hardwood floors, they need to be refinished, But im not one of those guys who gets a boner over wood finishes so i could care less. Anyway so last night for dinner i had some french bread pizza. They werent Lean cuisine because those werent on sale at the Nestle thrift store and the regular pizzas were so I went ahead and bought those instead. Like a good master I gave part of my pizza to my puppies. They love to eat pizza, sometime I think they might be crazy italian dogs, like in the mafia cuz they love pizza so much. anyway, fast forward to midnight all of the sudden i dont feel so good, i have like cramps and gas. i notice my dog is whining and pacing so I let them out, but they come back inside. at this time im too concerned with my own bowels to really pay attention. Well all of the sudden i realize the stench i smell is not coming from my ass but from the living room! Sure enough there is a giant pile of steaming soup poop. OH MAN! i still have diarrhea of my own , so i scoop as much of it up as i can, and leave the rest. I just sprayed some febreze and opened the windows. I would normally spank and scold them for pooping in the house but I too was a victim of the french bread pizza so I cant really get mad. Anyway, thats the good thing about having hard wood floors. you can shit on them and let it wait till the next day to harden before you clean it up. Then you can just pick it up with your fingers.

New Years Eve with Will & Kyle 2007

this is an old blog from my myspace page, I wrote it new years 2007, I liked it enough to save & post here:


New Years Eve with Will & Kyle recap
Last night was alot of fun if you were one of the fags that decided they would rather stay at home and cuddle with their stufffed animals well this is just a little of what you missed out on.

1. PEE PEE!- Chris Harriss and Scott Dempsey came out and chris immediately got "Pee Pee'd" If you dont know what "Pee Pee" is, its a game that Chris Brooks and Ben Weiner made up in savannah. Basically you get really drunk, walk up to one of your friends (preferably when he's with a girl") yell "PEE PEE!" and then pour your drink on his crotch. Chris's wife who doesnt know us looked horrified and I imagine thats when chris decided he wanted to leave but it was all in good spirit. Later on Will decided to Pee Pee me then poured the remainder of our Long Island ice tea on his head.

2. Go to every station & wreck the DJ- I kept having these Nas lyrics running through my head all night so me & will decided we wanted to beat up the DJ. Zack said we would be fired if we beat him up but he also said he wanted us to start a fight, so like a small child with conflicting impulses, we decide to try & get the Dj to fight us. First I walked up to him when he was trying to act cool to some girls and grabbed a handful of his ass then turned and walked slowly away, He ran to stan & zack for help but quickly realized who i was so he just started laughing. Later after more long island ice tea me & will stepped up our game by stealing pizza out of the back room and chucking it at him while he was djing. I missed twice but will pegged him really good. Then as we left I bombed him with a full cup of Long island for good measure. He didnt try to fight us, but thats to be expected cuz he's a skinny punk that was in a frat & we are fat guys with tattoos.

3. Midnight kiss - Thank god for Neo Joye is all I have to say, I thought I was gonna have to kiss will at midnight since his wife decided not to show up and the two old road whores Samantha & Bob hung up on us after we said we were gonna go to Art Bar. Anyway at midnight I grabbed Neo joye - aka Jessica and made her kiss me, I dont think she really wanted to because I think zack is her new bf but I wasnt about to not kiss someone at midnight and i couldnt find stan anywhere.

4. Art Bar is for Choads- After being drunk at Group we decided to mix it up and go to Art Bar. I hadnt been there in awhile and had forgot how fucking gay the clientele there is. I went to art school so Ive hung out with my fair share of pretentious, self righteous, psuedo intellectuals, and thats exactly what you find at Art Bar. "look at me! I'm so alternative!" Yeah whatever loser, You are sooooo crazy with your mall bought "manic panic" hair dye. Like jawbreaker says " Crazy people are so fuckin boring" The one saving grace of art bar was shawna who is now my official crush, I cant remember the last time I had a crush on a white girl. High Five!

5. Ill gladly have sex with you tuesday for a cheeseburger today- just in case joye was hungry after a night of cocaine and art bar I stashed one lonely junior bacon cheeseburger at wills house in case she wanted to trade sex for cheeseburgers, which is what our normal arrangement is. fortunately for me she didnt show back up at will's house and I ate the shit out of that cheeseburger. it was good, and an excellent ending to a great night.

kyle score writes a letter to barbasol

I actually wrote this letter & sent it to every email address i could find on the Barbasol shaving Cream site. I cant wait to see what i get in reply:

The other day I picked up a can of barbasol at the local grocery store, Not really because its the best shaving cream but mainly because its a familiar brand that has been around my bathroom all my life. I didnt really pay any attention to the can and its been sitting in my cabinet for a few days until just now when I happened to glance at it and see the "Barbasol Real man" brand on the front. I thought to myself, what is that gay sounding crap? I instantly thought of some big gay lumberjack or something, the term "Real man" just sounded gay & made me uncomfortable. So i turned the can over to see what a "Real man" looked like and sure enough there was this Gary Hall jr. Guy who I've never heard of and he wasnt wearing a shirt! What the hell is that all about! I mean you are marketing shaving cream for men right!? what are you doing putting naked men on the can! Shouldnt you have a naked woman and be sponsoring Barbasol's "Real Woman" collector can? As if anyone collects shaving cream cans and if they do why would a guy want to collect a series of cans with dudes on them with no shirts?! I mean unless he is gay & thats your target audience. I was so disturbed by this that I took the time to look up your websight and get the email and address so I could write and complain and what the hell greets me on barbasol's main page is MORE SHIRTLESS MEN! And to make it even more sinister, the guy has shirtless children in towels hanging out with him! Has this guy just been bathing with these small children, I mean even if we assume that he is their father it is still un natural for a father to shower with 6 year old boys! What the hell is going on over there at Barbasol! I' am writing to tell you that barbasol will no longer be a familiar brand in my bathroom and i am going to send this message out to as many people as i can to urge them to not use your blatently homosexual and borderline child pornographic products.Thank you

Skinheads

What we have here is a fuckin masterpiece. it is the B side label to Youth of today's classic debut 7" Cant Close My Eyes on Positive Force records. This picture is awesome in so many ways. First. Its a fuckin skinhead doing a fuckin fastplant into the pit. That in itself is fuckin epic, but this skinhead has Xs on his hands, he is also about to bash his fellow skinheads in the brain with his crazy 80s deck, The deck even has grab rails on it! holy shit! This guy doesnt give a fuck about skateboarding in doc martins either. To make it even better, it appears this mosh pit is happening inside a school house somewhere and youth of Today have written their set list on a giant chalkboard. I dont even know what to say about this picture. i just stare at in awe for hours.

The Kyle Score edgebreak story

So alot of guys have asked for my edge break story so I figured now is as good a time as ever to tell you about it. I cant really remember when it was, I was sometime after I was in college at savannah. Im gonna guess around 97 or so, Im not sure , but like most edge break stories this one included a very pretty fliipino girl by the name of Kerri Weavil. Kerri had the nicest tits Ive ever seen, and one night we were out at a Rockafella's rave night and i was hangin out with kerri. For reasons I still dont know, I just decided it would be a good idea to get shit faced drunk. I had already massaged her boobs so I dunno why I thought getting wasted woud help me get on those puppies again , but anyway, she was drinking and I had a bad crush on her so I decided what the fuck, so I ordered a fuckin Icehouse. I thought something magical would happen but nothing did, so I had another, and another , until i had downed a 6 pack. By this time im pretty drunk, I cant really remember but I think I got to make out with Kerri in the parking lot, It was an over all good feeling. Well while I was inside at the rave, some random hippie walks up to me and says ' hey wanna do some acid?" What the fuck! I have never since had a complete stranger offer me free drugs, much less acid. Seeing as how i had already broke edge, i was like fuck yeah, so I took the acid. Now at the time this sounded like a great idea. until I started laughing, I wasnt sure what the fuck I was laughing at but I couldnt stop, apparently I was drunk & tripping and laughing hysterically for no reason and I guess the girls found this annoying so they loaded me up in their car and dropped me off at my friends house whose parents were out of town for the weekend. Everyone was asleep and kept yelling at me to shut the fuck up, but I coudnt stop laughing, I really wanted to because by now my face was hurting from having this crazy joker smile, i reember watching some cartoon about bugs and thinking it was the greatest thing ever. I laughed for like 6 hours straight, i remember staggering into the bathroom and staring at my face while I was laughing. i also remember their dog licking its ass across the room from me and the sound freaking me out because it sounded like it was coming from the top of my head. Anyway, somehow I finally fell asleep and woke up the next morning still tripping a little bit. I tried to reclaim the edge after that but its never the same afterwards.

This blog is offensive to women

Ok , so back in the day, and by back in the day I mean the golden years of hardcore, like 1995 you couldnt get away with saying misogynistic shit. Most dudes put the pussy on a pedestal. If you were a chick in hardcore you had it fuckin made. Didnt even matter if you were fat or ugly , dudes thought you were the coolest & would all try to date you. I never understood this shit.
Anyway, well one day i was at myrtle beach chillin on the strip & I went into one of those stores with all the iron on T shirts, I was stoked. I had the guy print up a shirt that said " Show me your tits" I got a pocket print done right in the middle so it wasnt huge but big enough if you were talkin to me you would notice it. I figured this shit would piss off so many people and if I was lucky Id maybe see some titties. Ok fast forward a month or two and Im moshin in DC, now DC is probably one of he more PC minded scenes in hardcore, there are all these groups like " Chicks up front " & shit & girrrrrl Power & other stupid shit, So I wear my show me your tits shirt to a show, I thiunk it was earth crisis, one king down, maybe strife and brothers keeper. It was a huge show. Anyway so im wearing it and some dude from one king down comes up and in a crazy yankee accent is all like " yo dood! me & the guys love your shirt yo!" hahaha. So I politely tell him thank you and make sure I mosh double hard during their set. Then some kinda hot, crooked tooth bitch walks up and slaps a sticker on my chest that says "this is offensive to women" I guess they keep rolls of those in their tampon bags or something & put them on things that make their vaginas bleed. Anyway as you can expect, instead of being upset , I was super stoked, and is the reason Im writing this story today. You guys get to say all kinds of dirty fucked up shit to girls today & no one even thinks twice. Its awesome!
Anyway, Another time I was wearing it and I went to this gay club in columbia called Metropolis, at the door was an old lady , like grandma old , I payed her my cover charge and then she just pulls up her shirt & shows me her tits, I was totally freaked out because her tits looked pretty good, and because i had forgot about my shirt. Anyway, I dont know where this blog is going except Im pretty sure its offensive to women.