This blog is offensive to women

Ok , so back in the day, and by back in the day I mean the golden years of hardcore, like 1995 you couldnt get away with saying misogynistic shit. Most dudes put the pussy on a pedestal. If you were a chick in hardcore you had it fuckin made. Didnt even matter if you were fat or ugly , dudes thought you were the coolest & would all try to date you. I never understood this shit.
Anyway, well one day i was at myrtle beach chillin on the strip & I went into one of those stores with all the iron on T shirts, I was stoked. I had the guy print up a shirt that said " Show me your tits" I got a pocket print done right in the middle so it wasnt huge but big enough if you were talkin to me you would notice it. I figured this shit would piss off so many people and if I was lucky Id maybe see some titties. Ok fast forward a month or two and Im moshin in DC, now DC is probably one of he more PC minded scenes in hardcore, there are all these groups like " Chicks up front " & shit & girrrrrl Power & other stupid shit, So I wear my show me your tits shirt to a show, I thiunk it was earth crisis, one king down, maybe strife and brothers keeper. It was a huge show. Anyway so im wearing it and some dude from one king down comes up and in a crazy yankee accent is all like " yo dood! me & the guys love your shirt yo!" hahaha. So I politely tell him thank you and make sure I mosh double hard during their set. Then some kinda hot, crooked tooth bitch walks up and slaps a sticker on my chest that says "this is offensive to women" I guess they keep rolls of those in their tampon bags or something & put them on things that make their vaginas bleed. Anyway as you can expect, instead of being upset , I was super stoked, and is the reason Im writing this story today. You guys get to say all kinds of dirty fucked up shit to girls today & no one even thinks twice. Its awesome!
Anyway, Another time I was wearing it and I went to this gay club in columbia called Metropolis, at the door was an old lady , like grandma old , I payed her my cover charge and then she just pulls up her shirt & shows me her tits, I was totally freaked out because her tits looked pretty good, and because i had forgot about my shirt. Anyway, I dont know where this blog is going except Im pretty sure its offensive to women.

Moms I Like to Fuck

Bangin moms can be fun, seems the last few years thats all I bang. Anyway, tryin to get into mommies vagina while there are lil rugrats running around can be a def problem. Little kids tend to cry alot when you leave them alone in another room, they also always want to bang on the door when its locked. One time i was bangin this mom while her kid was asleep on the floor, well he woke up but i didnt know because the room was pitch black, and he was 1 and a half years old so he couldnt talk yet. As i was plowing the meat tunnel, I feel a little baby hand slap my bare ass. It was a total boner kill. Im not sure but that might count as a three way. Same chick used to blow me under a blanket while the kid was sitting on the floor watching blues clues. Im pretty sure that might be against the law or something.

The Art of Unlimited French Fries

Ok so my new girlfriend has 2 kids, I know its crazy thinking about me actually being in the company of small impressionable children, but Im pretty old so anyone I end up dating is gonna have popped out at least one kid, but she's cute and is really nice to me. Anyway, apparently there is this kids themed restaurant Red Robin, Im sure you've heard about it. Well anyway, my gf tells me that this place has unlimited french fries. WHAT THE FUCK! Why the fuck have i never eaten here. As soon as she told me this, I had a major fuckin hard on thinking of eating like 500 french fries in a sitting. So Im freakin out about unlimited french fries, and she tells me if I come over she will take me out to eat there. Helll fuck yeah, so me & her and the two lil kids jump in her Passat and head to Red Robin, The burgers were ok to sub standard but jesus fuckin christ i ate so many french fries. Am I the only person who didnt know about this?

My thoughts on Lycanthropy

If I was a werewolf I'd just eat peoples dogs. People would get mad & shit but not as mad as if I ate their babies. Thats probably why you dont see too many werewolves around today. They had no self control and would eat peoples babies, then the townsfolk would get all pissed, hunt them down & kill them. Yeah I think Id stick with small dogs, maybe try hunting livestock or wild deer, perhaps the occasional homeless dude or prostitute

Batman pisses me off

Ok, so I saw the batman movie last night. All in all it was ok, but the one thing that really ruined the movie for me was the bitch that was suppossed to be batmans love interest. I mean what the fuck! I was an avid reader and collector of batman during the 80s, around the time frank millers the dark night came out but I dont remember batman having a girlfriend or anything, but maybe Im just forgetting about it. Anyway, what pissed me off was how fuckin ugly this bitch was. Seriously, she looked like her old ass face was melting. was she like 50 or something! I just couldnt suspend my disbelief that a good looking fuckin' ese like harvey dent and millionaire playboy who can fuck the whole russian ballet would both be in love with this nasty assed looking skank. She looked like an old hound dog with flappy jowls. She was so ugly it was making me mad. i said WTF out loud when the joker said she was beautiful. Seriously, hat the fuck was goin on with casting this worn out road whore.

What I hate about porno cut scenes

So it seems like every time, I got my weiner out watchin a classic like "Breakin em in #4" just as I feel like Im about to bust a mind blowing load, the camera cuts from some girls boobs flopping in a hypnotic cadence to a close up of like TT boy's face. Then I have to stop stroking and think of baseball or my friend Bathroom Monkey's hairy ass so i dont catch my nut lookin at another dudes face. Because that would be totally homo. Am i the only person who this happens to?

bangin fat chicks isnt all its cracked up to be

All this talk about fat girls reminds me of the one time i decided I was going to bang a fat girl. I had never done it before so I decided, what the fuck, Im gonna see if its fun or not. At the time I thought this was a terrific idea. So one night me & my roomates threw a super awesome keg party, well one of these girls we invited was a total scene wh.ore sl.ut who was pretty chubby. Anyway, we all started drinking and I went up to her and said "follow me down to the makeout room". Now the makeout room was this crazy room in the basement we had set up for the sole purpose of making out with girls. It had crazy shag carpet and a disco ball and I think it had a laser too. We also had a super giant 3 person bean bag chair. anyway, so me & this girl start making out & I pull off her shirt and I immediately see these huge nipples and her gut hangin out and instantly realize that this was not the great idea I had imagined. So Im thinking of how the fuck Im gonna get out of this cuz she's tugging my sausage through my pants. Well I caught a break & she says she has to piss real fast, maybe putting in her diagphram or spraying febreeze on her vag or something, I dunno. So she goes in the bathroom 2 feet away and I get up and bolt. I just run upstairs. Sure enough 5 minutes later she is following me. I dont know how I did it but I finally got her to lay down with my friends little brother who was like 15 and a video nerd and a virgin. I think she tried to have sex with him & even he wouldnt hit it. Fuck you know thats gotta suck. Ever since then I have never tried to fuck a fat girl.