Friday, August 6, 2010

I bought some chinese sex tea


So last night me and this chick Im banging and living with who may or may not be my gf depending on her mood and the day of the week, decided to go down to the asian grocery store to pick up some noodles. Now if you've never been to an asian grocery store its basically aisle upon aisle of noodles and rice as you might imagine. Tucked between the noodles and rice though is the tea section. Well buddy, Ive never stopped to check out the tea before but today something made me pause. There on the shelf between jasmine and dieters tea was a box with a naked guy flexing his muscles. exotic chinese writing piqued my curiousity while in big bold english letters the words "Potent man Tea" made me gasp in disbelief. Could this tea really make me more potent? could it make my boner bigger than it already is? This sounded ludicris! I had to try it. So I looked at my woman, grabbed her ass and said " we gonna make a baby tonight bitch!"
Then I walked up to the counter to pay for my new treasure. In my head all I could think about was ancient chinese secrets like the kind that made your clothes really clean and turned mogwais into gremlins. I aksed the lady " will this make us a baby?" she just looked at me confused, so I winked and said " we wanna make a baby, is this what we need?" she just smiled and ignored me. I dont know if she didnt understand my english or maybe because of FDA law she couldnt come right out and tell me that this tea would make my boner swell to an ungodly size and make my jizz taste like candy canes. Anyway, back at the house i couldnt wait to get started.

I took the cup of tea and sipped it gingerly at first. I didnt want to go overboard. my boner is pretty dangerous as it is, no need in anyone getting hurt over this. It was ok, tasted like any other hot tea. I waited a bit and sipped a little more. after a few minutes I said fuck it and downed the whole cup. Now I sat and waited. after about 15 minutes I thought this might be horseapples and I imagined a sneaky chinaman giggling saying "me chinese! Me play joke!" Well brother let me tell you something after 15 minutes I started to feel a warm tingle in my pants which grew and swelled into an uncontrollable urge as I ran to the bathroom. I pulled down my pants in anticipation. then It happened. I exploded...... out of my ass. I pooped like no tomorrow. This is what chinamen confuse for virility? really? I had to shit my guts out! No way. this is a ripoff! they should of called this Poopen man tea not potent man tea! No boners just diarrhea, the story of my life.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Holy Shit! It's Beef Supreme!

I was watching idiocracy the other day and the scene with Beef Supreme came on. I was like HolyShit, I wish my name was Beef Supreme, then the dude came out and he was wearing shiny gold and had like a beard and long hair and a flamethrower. I was thinking, Fuck, I should try to live my life more like Beef Supreme, I mean, Dude has long hair and a beard, He doesnt give a fuck, Plus he has a flamethrower. If i had a flamethrower Id probably just waste it burning stupid shit like bushes or like outhouses or something. Beef Supreme would use it to burn down police stations, because thats just what awesome people do. Plus I bet he gets alot of pussy. I think the moral of the story here, is that we should try to live our lives more like a 4th tier character in a C list saturday night live movie.