Moms I Like to Fuck

Bangin moms can be fun, seems the last few years thats all I bang. Anyway, tryin to get into mommies vagina while there are lil rugrats running around can be a def problem. Little kids tend to cry alot when you leave them alone in another room, they also always want to bang on the door when its locked. One time i was bangin this mom while her kid was asleep on the floor, well he woke up but i didnt know because the room was pitch black, and he was 1 and a half years old so he couldnt talk yet. As i was plowing the meat tunnel, I feel a little baby hand slap my bare ass. It was a total boner kill. Im not sure but that might count as a three way. Same chick used to blow me under a blanket while the kid was sitting on the floor watching blues clues. Im pretty sure that might be against the law or something.

The Art of Unlimited French Fries

Ok so my new girlfriend has 2 kids, I know its crazy thinking about me actually being in the company of small impressionable children, but Im pretty old so anyone I end up dating is gonna have popped out at least one kid, but she's cute and is really nice to me. Anyway, apparently there is this kids themed restaurant Red Robin, Im sure you've heard about it. Well anyway, my gf tells me that this place has unlimited french fries. WHAT THE FUCK! Why the fuck have i never eaten here. As soon as she told me this, I had a major fuckin hard on thinking of eating like 500 french fries in a sitting. So Im freakin out about unlimited french fries, and she tells me if I come over she will take me out to eat there. Helll fuck yeah, so me & her and the two lil kids jump in her Passat and head to Red Robin, The burgers were ok to sub standard but jesus fuckin christ i ate so many french fries. Am I the only person who didnt know about this?

My thoughts on Lycanthropy

If I was a werewolf I'd just eat peoples dogs. People would get mad & shit but not as mad as if I ate their babies. Thats probably why you dont see too many werewolves around today. They had no self control and would eat peoples babies, then the townsfolk would get all pissed, hunt them down & kill them. Yeah I think Id stick with small dogs, maybe try hunting livestock or wild deer, perhaps the occasional homeless dude or prostitute

Batman pisses me off

Ok, so I saw the batman movie last night. All in all it was ok, but the one thing that really ruined the movie for me was the bitch that was suppossed to be batmans love interest. I mean what the fuck! I was an avid reader and collector of batman during the 80s, around the time frank millers the dark night came out but I dont remember batman having a girlfriend or anything, but maybe Im just forgetting about it. Anyway, what pissed me off was how fuckin ugly this bitch was. Seriously, she looked like her old ass face was melting. was she like 50 or something! I just couldnt suspend my disbelief that a good looking fuckin' ese like harvey dent and millionaire playboy who can fuck the whole russian ballet would both be in love with this nasty assed looking skank. She looked like an old hound dog with flappy jowls. She was so ugly it was making me mad. i said WTF out loud when the joker said she was beautiful. Seriously, hat the fuck was goin on with casting this worn out road whore.

What I hate about porno cut scenes

So it seems like every time, I got my weiner out watchin a classic like "Breakin em in #4" just as I feel like Im about to bust a mind blowing load, the camera cuts from some girls boobs flopping in a hypnotic cadence to a close up of like TT boy's face. Then I have to stop stroking and think of baseball or my friend Bathroom Monkey's hairy ass so i dont catch my nut lookin at another dudes face. Because that would be totally homo. Am i the only person who this happens to?

bangin fat chicks isnt all its cracked up to be

All this talk about fat girls reminds me of the one time i decided I was going to bang a fat girl. I had never done it before so I decided, what the fuck, Im gonna see if its fun or not. At the time I thought this was a terrific idea. So one night me & my roomates threw a super awesome keg party, well one of these girls we invited was a total scene wh.ore sl.ut who was pretty chubby. Anyway, we all started drinking and I went up to her and said "follow me down to the makeout room". Now the makeout room was this crazy room in the basement we had set up for the sole purpose of making out with girls. It had crazy shag carpet and a disco ball and I think it had a laser too. We also had a super giant 3 person bean bag chair. anyway, so me & this girl start making out & I pull off her shirt and I immediately see these huge nipples and her gut hangin out and instantly realize that this was not the great idea I had imagined. So Im thinking of how the fuck Im gonna get out of this cuz she's tugging my sausage through my pants. Well I caught a break & she says she has to piss real fast, maybe putting in her diagphram or spraying febreeze on her vag or something, I dunno. So she goes in the bathroom 2 feet away and I get up and bolt. I just run upstairs. Sure enough 5 minutes later she is following me. I dont know how I did it but I finally got her to lay down with my friends little brother who was like 15 and a video nerd and a virgin. I think she tried to have sex with him & even he wouldnt hit it. Fuck you know thats gotta suck. Ever since then I have never tried to fuck a fat girl.